With so much in the news about the mental health and financial challenges faced by Gen-Z and Millennials, the most arguably difficult stage of life is often overlooked: midlife.
In a study of nearly 300 women, ages 18-66, it was discovered that women in midlife had more stressors than younger or older women (Kenny, 2000). The majority of these stressors were attributed to the multiple roles held by women at midlife and the responsibilities that come with each of those roles.
Many women are working as hard as they can to juggle:
Parenting and worrying about children transitioning into adulthood.
Financial pressures, career, and preparing financially and emotionally for retirement.
Caring for aging parents.
Physical changes.
The balance of the aforementioned stressors often occurring simultaneously, while coping with losses and transitions that tend to occur in this stage of life more than any other.
Finding equilibrium in the midst of navigating these challenges can seem elusive.
Many women arrive at midlife after having devoted all of themselves to others, and for the first time have the opportunity to explore who they are, what they want in life, and what they wish to let go of. Moreover, there might be a grappling with existential questions, changes in self-esteem and acceptance of where one is in life, the menopausal transition, and a number of relational changes that lead to a search for identity.
If we know that midlife is a time in which women are overworked and juggling multiple roles and responsibilities, how can changes be made to create more balance and a greater sense of well being?
Studies on the mental health of women in midlife have found that the engagement, purposefulness, and new learning are three of the greatest facilitating factors on life satisfaction of women as they enter the next chapter of life (Lawrence-Lighfoot, 2009). While taking time to pause and reflect may be difficult to do, it is in carving out time to take stock and reflect on one’s story that creates an opportunity to take a more active and intentional role in determining what you want the narrative to be moving forward.
The impact of stress, grief, and physiological changes can make it difficult to manage emotions that might feel all over the place while trying to “get through” the day to day.
The idea of finding balance is appealing, but the means of getting there can feel impossible when you are attending to the needs of everyone else, with your own constantly being placed on the backburner.
So how do things change, particularly when you’ve reached midlife and think of yourself as a certain type of way? This might be perfectionistic, people pleasing, self-sacrificing, high strung or easy going, optimistic or pessimistic...
Our temperament may be ingrained and we may be accustomed to our behavioral or thought patterns, roles, or relationship dynamics, but that does not mean that change and growth are out of your reach. If you find that those old patterns of coping are not working well or you find yourself dissatisfied with the roles and patterns of thought or behavior in your life, it is not too late to question or seek change.
Working with someone objective who can assist you in developing insight into your old patterns and help you learn more effective ways of thinking and behaving can be life giving and life changing.
Psychotherapy can be a great way of accessing this kind of support. It is a time that is set aside to serve your needs, perhaps for the first time, in turn enabling you to re-gain balance and determine what you do and do not want in life. The support of a strong therapist is invaluable, whether you are working together on a specific mental health concern or seeking to gain skills in managing difficult situations or trying find more meaning in life.
As you prepare for the third chapter of your life, what do you need? I invite you to take a bit of time to reflect and be honest with yourself. After years of supporting everyone else, maybe it’s time that you get a little support. You absolutely deserve it.
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